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“Rob, I assume that you have an army of sulky interns who do your bidding, as you sit back in your easy chair and watch the game while sipping something enjoyable?” says Charles Antaki. “If so, you might get them to look out one of those ‘Game Over!’ gifs from old video games to play when Arsenal go 3-2 down after being 2-0 up. Just to beat the rush, I’m getting my fatalism in now.”

Just for you, Charles, my army of sulky interns have I’ve popped into the future and brought back some footage of Theo Walcott’s winning goal tonight.

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