Today’s fluff mixes 8oz plain flour, a pinch of salt, two large eggs, half a pint of milk, and then spills it down its front

The Mill was down for some long overdue maintenance overnight, offering an opportunity for its gnomic, light-deprived team to get the waders on and finally jab a Vileda Supermop at the knotweed and slime that’s accrued on its spokes. We’re delighted to report that some additional motion has been achieved, and a years-worth of Pogba fluff has been removed along with some extremely Eden Hazardous waste.

Happily, safely wrapped in a Lidl bag for life was a bit of tittle-tattle from 2016, which we’ve given an hour or two out on the line and can now re-present to you as if box-fresh: Blaise Matuidi to Manchester United. Juve’s deep-lying midfielder is now 32 but has been linked to a Premier League move since JLS’ Beat Again was top of the charts. Back in 2009, the player was uncapped for France but a target for Arsène Wenger’s Arsenal – now Mikel Arteta has designs on thwarting Ole Gunnar Solskjær in pursuit of the 84-cap veteran. The Gunners also have Atlético Madrid’s Thomas Partey on their radar.

Related: Manchester United cast the net with new emerging local talent programme

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